Apocalypse Bangkok

I wake up in my tiny room feeling awful. The street food I ate last night must have been contaminated with something and I feel sick all day. The room I'm in is a cell. Four walls and a door. No window, no light, no sound. At least there's a fan. I feel like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now...

The opening scene :

THE END BY THE DOORS

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah


Hotel room in Bangkok :

WILLARD (v.o.)

"Bangkok, shit. I'm still only in Bangkok. Every time I think I'm going to wake up back in the jungle... I've been here a week now. Waiting for a mission, getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger. Each time I look around the walls move in a little tighter."

But it's a different kind of apocalypse, not one of war, but one of tourism. I swear there are more blonds in tank tops here than there are Thais. There are backpackers everywhere, just arriving, leaving, coming, going. Some are here to explore Bangkok, but most are here just to sort out visas before moving on to other destinations. My experiences interacting with the Thai people have been less than ideal; we've been yelled at for picking up a statue of Ganesha or for trying on a bracelet or shirt and not buying it. As I look around the marketplace at these people and the conditions that they live in, I feel compassion for them and also recognize how privileged we are coming from our first world nations. We decend on the denizens of Khao San and try and bargin down to a cheaper price for novel trinkets. It's understandable that some may develop a justified indignancy.

I wake up and meet Kristina, Jodi, and Cindi for breakfast. I have to leave early to use the toilet and then lie down. This is the third occasion in Thailand that I've had "fire ass," and I can tell you it's not fun. I only have time to run around to do some last minute shopping in the market for gifts and souvenirs before I have to catch my bus to the airport. Bangkok has been crazy. I've heard people say that they love it, and others that they can't wait to get out. I've had a mix of both sentiments. But I'm definitely glad I stayed to experience it.

Patpong Ping Pong

In the morning I meet up with Kristina and Jodi. They took the overnight bus with Derek and Kristi and arrived here this morning at 6am. After Sorting out their visas for Burma, we shop around the markets in Khao San. Later we meet up with Cindi, who arrived from the airport today, at a crazy Shell gas station converted into a restaurant / bar, and then we randomly bump into Seth and Joe, 2 climbers from Tonsai. They just came from Chang Mai and Joe fought in a Thai kickboxing fight, as evidenced by his black eye and swollen nose. He won the fight, at least, and made some money for the people in the crowd who were gambling on him. We wait around the guest house for Kristi to show up. It's her birthday today and she's been reving us up for "ping pong" since Tonsai. She shows up late because she's feeling ill. When she arrives with Derek we split up in two cabs to go to Patpong district and to the legendary ping pong shows.

We get split up and the cabs take us to 2 different places. Seth, Kristina and I wait outside the ping pong place and derek takes the cab to try and find the others. Somehow he finds them and brings them back. We discover that we're the ones that've been scammed and our driver brought us to one of the fake tourist trap ping pong shows where they charge 1000B for entry. Kristi leads us to Patpong and to a real ping pong show at a place called Super Pussy.

I find out that "ping pong show" means SEX SHOW and that's what we're going to see. When we get inside we're told that there's no cover but we have to buy a drink for 300B. Then a few minutes later there's a disagreement and the bartender wants to charge us 200B each for cover. Derek, Seth, and Kristi get into a big argument and we end up walking out of the place. Kristi is really upset that we're getting scammed so much and she decides to go home. She insists that the rest of us stay and enjoy ourselves and her and Derek go back to the guest house. So after looking around the market for a bit, Kristina, Jodi, Cindi, Seth, Joe and I go to another club called Kings Castle II. There's a 300B cover but it includes a drink.

For the next hour we watch a show, the likes of which I've never seen before. A group of strippers go up on the stage led by a woman who proceeds to do some truly amazing things with her private part.
These include: blowing out candles on a cake with a straw, shooting darts through a tube and popping balloons!, picking up rings and putting them on a bottle, pulling out a very long lei, pulling out a string of needles (ouch!), pulling out a string of razor blades (double ouch!!) and cutting paper with them, shooting ping pong balls at us (Seth was blocking them with an ashtray!), and finally shooting a banana, which almost hit my foot! All throughout the show the woman on stage keeps motioning to us with her hands an invitation to some sort of illicit act in the bathroom, but we decline.

After the show we do some more shopping in the market, I buy a horrid looking giant steer belt buckle, and then we catch a cab back to Khao San. We gorge out on street food before heading to sleep. Bangkok, what a crazy place!

Flying to Bangkok

I woke up early this morning still feeling the teqila in the system. The priority today is getting a few more climbs in before going to the airport, not sleep. After packing my stuff and switching my plane ticket for a few more days in Bangkok so I can celebrate Kristi's birthday there, I meet up with Curtis, Kristi, Michelle, Britney and Laurant climbing down on the beach. I head out with Laurant to climb the bouldery start to By Way of Deception 7A. The route is real hard and lots of fun! The Hanson brothers kindly lent us their bouldering mat but I only have 20 minutes to work at this problem. It's about a 10 ft roof that goes vertical and finishes up but the crux is right at the beginning. In 20 minutes I'm able to stick 4 moves and a bloody hand. After saying goodbye to all my friends I hop on a longtail boat to Ao Nang. I meet some German climbers that are on the same flight as me to Bangkok and we split a cab to the airport. Once I arrive in Bangkok I meet 2 girls from Britain headding to Khao San road and we take the bus together. We get some dinner together and then browse the merchant shops for clothes and trinkets on Khao San.


Here's a picture of Kristina (because she was complaining that there weren't enough photos of her in my blog) in the Saawasdee Guest House where we were staying.

Deep Water Soloing

Today we decide to go deep water soloing and Gary, Alex, and I have breakfast at Yum Yums and ask around for more people interested in sharing the boat cost with us. Eventually we find 2 girls, Claire and Disa, who are interested in some climbing and snorkelling and we arrange for a boat and kayak together. I'm really pumped to go! I've been looking forward to this since I was back home looking at photos on the internet. The longtail boatman takes us for a 20 minute ride out to Poda Island to a spot where we can climb up out of the water, up the cliff with no harness or rope, and then jump off safely into the water. We kayak around to a couple different sites but the most fun of them all is this huge stalactite tufa formation dripping down from the cliff. There is a rope to get up on and then a really nice jump from above.



I climb it a couple times and get Gary and Alex to film me.



We do some snorkelling and look at the beautiful tropical fish and coral formations. We see the boatman fishing and ask if we can fish too. He lends us his spear (which is attached to an elastic band for firing) and we try to catch some fish. All the big fish are too beautiful and we couldn't kill them so we hunt for the smaller black fish but they're too fast and they get away. We have to head back to Tonsai because the tide is going out but this day has been really amazing, definitely a highlight of the trip so far!

Back at Tonsai we go to Freedom Bar at the beach, drink smoothies, red bulls, eat pizza and banana pancakes and watch the climbers on Tonsai wall right next to the bar. After showering and cleaning up, we meet the rest of the crew for a final farewell dinner at the Viking Restaurant on the beach. Tomorrow I'm flying to Bangkok and Kristina, Jodi, Derek, Kristi, and Cindi are also leaving for Bangkok. I split food with the vegetarians again and have a huge feast. After dinner we go to Sawatdee Bar and drink tequila and margaritas on the beach till late into the night. It's been a perfect last day in Tonsai, a great close to an amazing week climbing in Thailand.

Rest Day

Today no one is really motivated to climb so it turns into a rest day and we do our usual relaxing and eating at Yum Yums on the beach. Michelle and I decide to sneak into the pool of a resort on Railay and go swimming. The pool is beautiful and we try to "blend" into the tourists and kids running around and try not to look like hardcore rockclimbers. After swimming in the ocean and showering off, we go to Railay east to meet the rest of the crew at an indian restaurant. Michelle is apprehensive about the food because she just spent months in India but the meal turns out to be really good, a sort of thai/indian mix. After dinner we go down to party at the Gecko Bar. Derek goes crazy dancing in his snorkel fins and Curtis spins all the young australian girls around all night. We get pretty happy drinking many buckets of Sang Som.

Full Moon Party

We start the day hiking over to Ao Phra Nang with all our climbing gear through all the tourists sunbathing on the beach. We get to an amazing cave and climb through it to an opening in the other side of the cliff. We snap some photos before rappelling down to the Thaiwand Wall.

Up a bamboo ladder and out on a ledge, we climb a really cool exposed route called Fit to Be Thaid 6A. The start of the climb traverses out over a drop, and then ascends up some really cool tufa formations. You can see my feet dangling from the top in the photos.






After hiking back to Tonsai through the jungle in the dark with our headlamps, we get some dinner and then meet up for the full moon party. All the bars on the beach spin either loud reggae or trance music and set off fireworks over the water. We dance, drink beer, and watch the poi jugglers spin flaming spirals through the air.

Climbing at Fire Wall

Today we go climbing at the Fire Wall and I lead two routes: For Helga and Groove Tube. Groove Tube has this really cool start where you climb through a hole and then climb up into a tube and stem up to the top. I climb up with my cameras in a pack and take some photos at the top.












After climbing we go to a pizzaria for dinner.





For Helga



Groove Tube

Birthday in Thailand

This morning I wake up to some sort of animal chewing at the trail mix in my room. I hike down to the beach and climb Schlingel Moritz 6A in Dum's Kitchen. Afterwards we meet up with the rest of the crew at Yum Yums and spend the morning eating tuna melts, potato wedges, drinking shakes, and playing sudoku. Afterwards I go to The Nest and climb Banana Hammock 6A with Cindi and Britney. After climbing I meet up with Kristina and she treats me to a 1hr thai massage. It's a full body affair with deep stretching. I feel amazing afterwards. We meet the crew at Tina's restaurant and have another feast: spring rolls, onion rings, shrimp curry with young coconut, shrimp pad thai, mint chili chicken, masaman, and beer.



After dinner we chill out on the beach and drink a bucket of sang som (thai whiskey), red bull, and juice. It's been a great birthday in an incredibly exotic place and with really great friends.

Rockclimbing again

I'm staying in a private bungalo that's pretty rustic but has all the basic amenities: bed, mosquito netting, lights and electricity, toilet, shower (cold water), and sink. All for 300B a night ($10). After breakfast Kristina introduces me to all of her climber friends, and we hike over to Railay to climb at Diamond Cave.
It's been 2 years since I've climbed so I get back into things slowly with a couple 5's (french grading system), and a 6A (Keep the Jam, Man). I'm a bit rusty and it'll take a few days to develope my lead climbing skills again.



After showering at the bungalo back in Tonsai, we meet for dinner to celebrate Jodi's birthday. It's my birthday tomorrow so it's a kind of double bill. I band together with all the vegetarians and we share our dishes. We have a huge feast of steamed rice, tofu salad, red curry, green coconut curry, yellow noodles, sizzling seafood hotplate, curry seafood in a pinapple, and I get a pineapple banana coconut shake. The food is amazing and cheap (about $3 per person) and I'm stuffed. Kristina brings out a banana cake and we sing happy birthday to Jodi. After dinner we go down to the beach and and drink beers in the cool ocean breeze.


from left: Derek, Curtis, Cindi, Jodi, Gary, Alex, Kristina, Me, Michelle, and Britney.

Ao Ton Sai

Today I fly from Hong Kong to Bangkok and then to Krabi and catch a taxi to Ao Nang.



I go through the taxi service at the airport and the cost is 600 Bhat ($20). In the cab I pull out my Lonely Planet Phrasebook and practice my Thai with the cabbie: sa-wat-dee krup (hello), kop koon krup (thank you), chai (yes), mai (no). And I even try a thai tounge twister with him: ta-hahn teu beun baak boon bai bohk deuk (don't ask me what it means). When he drops me off at the beach and leaves, first thing I discover is that he's taken me to the wrong place! This is not Ao Nang, it's Ao Nammao, 10 mins closer to the airport. I guess all my practicing indicated that I had never been to Thailand before, and that I was an easy target for scamming. Now I have to take two longtail boats instead of one and I have to hike across Railay.

Ao Nammao is where it says shell cemetary on this map

When I finnaly get to Tonsai beach I make my way over to the Andaman Nature Resort and look around for Kristina. I find her friend Jodi and we wait for her to get back from climbing. When she gets back we have a nice reunion, eat dinner together, chat and reminisce over old times